i met many interesting people at last year’s Game Developer’s Conference, and i thought i should thumb through my business card collection in case i run into any of them this year. While there, i tried a new technique for putting faces to the names so many months later: i just wrote a memorable item down on the business card, like “met this guy in a cab” or “has giant orange hair.”

So i came across one plain-looking card on which i’d written “spit sushi at me.” Oh dear. It’s not the most glorifying epithet, but it worked. i remembered the man instantly, down to every detail.

He worked for the Government of Ontario as their Silicon Valley liason. But this was his exact title:

Business Development Consultant to the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology - West Coast US.

You probably just skimmed that line. Now i want you to go back and read it. Read it aloud. Read this aloud, right now:

Hello, my name is [your name]. What do i do? Well, i’m the Business Development Consultant to the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology - West Coast US. It says so here on my card.

That’s my Ontario tax dollars at work, folks. HARD at work. i wish more of that money went toward his hors d’oeuvres decorum and less toward his big impressive title. (i’m kidding - he was perfectly nice.)

After finding his business card, i had half a mind to call him up.

[ring ring]
Office of the the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology: Hello?

Me: Hello! Yes - i’d like to speak to the Business Development Consultant to the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology - West Coast US. Is he in?

Office of the the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology: Yes, one moment please.

[light jazz music]

Business Development Consultant to the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology - West Coast US: Hello?

Me: Hi! Is this the Business Development Consultant to the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology - West Coast US?

Business Development Consultant to the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology - West Coast US: Yes, i’m the Business Development Consultant to the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology - West Coast US. How can i help you?

Me: Erp! My mistake, Business Development Consultant to the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology - West Coast US. i was actually trying to reach the Business Development Consultant to the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology - East Coast US. Do you have his number?

Business Development Consultant to the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology - West Coast US: Yes, I think I do. Now let’s see here … Business Development Consultant … to the … … Ministry …. hrm hrm hrm … Trade Information … uhm …. East Coast Us. Ah - here it is.

Me: Oh - did you find the number for the Business Development Consultant to the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology - East Coast US?

Business Development Consultant to the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology - West Coast US: Yes! i’ll patch you through to the Business Development Consultant to the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology - East Coast US now. One moment please.

[Musak version of Enter Sandman played on soprano saxophone]

Business Development Consultant to the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology - East Coast US:Hello, this is the Business Development Consultant to the Ontario Ministry of Economic Development & Trade Information & Communications Technology - East Coast US. How may i help you?

And so it goes.